**This post was originally written in January of 2021**
It’s a good thing I’m not attempting to monetize this website or I would be pretty late on the bills. It’s been a long time.
The pandemic pulled the curtain down on my writing and pulled it back on so many other things. Most of all watching a virus pluck people from the planet forced me to heartily consider how I’ll handle my future time. I knew I wasn’t going maskless rogue at every bar with a plan to test my immune system. I had no interest in rolling the dice to see if I was one of the lucky ones. I’m able to stay home, so I did. But how I filled my time ended up being the biggest surprise. A large part of it was met with a flurry of injuries. I’ve been in pain before, I’ve been isolated before, but this is my very first pandemic. Doing all three at the same time during an election year was quite unnecessary. But I’m not alone in my saga of unnecessary roughness, we all have a struggling story to tell.
Some things I don’t miss at all. Eating out is one of them, and I feel bad for some of my favorite servers. I miss them. But I ended up eating better, and being sure my foods were gluten free which was a necessary change for my health journey. Prior to covid we spent too much money eating out and we’ve done a much better job with our savings having been forced to change the habit. I’m aware our change hurt businesses but I feel like I can offer a better balance that works for our budget, my health and the restaurants we choose.
The lack of in person socialization proved to be quite a conundrum. The question became Did I social distance or did I just distance? Add on a hot political climate to the pandemic and life became extremely complicated. I don’t think it mattered what political side you were on, it seemed like no one was happy. Circling back to my awareness that Covid-19 was randomly plucking people off the planet, it just didn’t make sense for me to be more drained than I had to be. Time is precious and the next day isn’t guaranteed.
Pandemics show how people really feel about the planet, about themselves and about each other. When the time calls for us to give up something for another, will we? It seems like wearing a mask in a grocery store was a huge imposition to many. Politicians making well over several hundred thousands felt that a little over one thousand was enough for the people who put them there. Social media discussions became arguing cesspools of who was deserving of time off for closures and who was deserving or forced to be open. There was no one left out of the shaming.
Watching black and brown people fight for their rights to humanity in a pandemic in which the disease was taking them first was horrible. Watching white people dismiss their struggles as unjustified, attempting to erase their truth, and refusing to see where WE really came from as a country was and still is abhorrent.
I have no idea where this is taking us but it’s looking like a pretty deep divide. The question will be how to keep us individually whole without sacrificing the greater good of humanity. I believe that starts with inner work and at the same time radical change. I’m asking myself the question of when I should be putting out the fires and when I should be burning it down. What is my impact? What is my responsibility? This will be ongoing work for me that will have to be constantly revisited.